skip to Main Content

Jerk Block Hotel

My residence is inside the Jerk Block Hotel. Block 1, the biggest, most crowded, cheapest block on ground floor. Jerk Block Hotel is 4 storeys high and like Hotel California, you never leave, you live permanently at training. It takes many lonely trainings to get the concierge “clark” to notice you and take you and your bags up to the next level, Block 2. The chandelier in the lobby taunts you, fame and fortune out of reach. But you know you have all you need, your girl next door, your coffee, straps and WL shoes. These are what you take to your stranded desert island platform. You have just shifted to Block 2. Time is running out before the Grim Reaper taps you on the shoulder and says “No more athletics for you,” and banishes you to a sedentary lifestyle that enrages you just thinking about it. A year has elapsed and for all your reps you have 3kg on your total to show for it. Mr Knee and Mr Shoulder did not let you join the party in 2017 but this year there is a mutual respect. Maybe it’s the unspoken knowing that this quad is your first and last. You caught me somewhere between set 1 and set 10 trying to escape. 3 doubles, 2 triples, how many more doubles? A repetition has a dollar value, some are worth $1, some are worth $1000. Misses can be worth more than makes, and it’s Mr Belief who decides. Mr Belief can take you up to Block 3 later this year if you can check in for 16 weeks straight. You wash and dry the movements alone, apart from the odd neighbour watering their garden, and yours is dead because your sole purpose took you away from them. You hear your neighbours question “Why is he doing that for?” A great question. They will never know. Mr Knee and Mr Shoulder try and fuck up your day when you go above 80%. You reply “I can’t hear you, you fucking pussies”. Up and down the elevator we go, where we stop, Tokyo. The doors of Block 4 will open in 2020. I must stand on the rooftop with the third Clean and Jerk harnessed overhead then throw it off the building as a reminder of the greatness of Australia. Then I will jump off the building satisfied.
Tokyo 2020.

Back To Top